Post by highgrit on Apr 11, 2020 19:41:45 GMT -6
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
* I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
* Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
* PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
* Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
* I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks, we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
* This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
* So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
* Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
* My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
* Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
* I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
* I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.
* Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
* Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
* Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under
- First time in history we can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let's not screw it up.
- My cleaning lady just messaged to say she will be working from home and will send me instructions on what to do.
- Many parents are just about to discover the teacher is not the problem.
- What's worse: two masked guys trying to rob you or your unmasked pizza delivery guy?
- I've almost completed my 90 day trial of 2020. How do I cancel?
- Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch. Apparently she's my wife. She seems nice.
- Anyone else feel like life is being written by a fourth grader? "And there was this virus and everyone was scared. And then the world ran out of toilet paper. Yeah, and then there was like no school for a month."
- Anyone have a recipe to make toilet paper out of cauliflower?
- We're about two weeks away from seeing everyone's true hair color.
- Looks like we'll also need to bail out our political and science fiction writers, and retrain them to be historians.
- Reminder: 9pm is the time to remove your day pajamas and put your night pajamas on.
-My husband saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He cleaned, scrubbed and disinfected the heck out of all cupboards and the entire kitchen. Tomorrow I’m placing the plastic roach in the bathroom.
* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
* I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
* Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
* PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
* Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
* I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks, we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
* This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
* So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
* Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
* My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
* Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
* I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
* I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.
* Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
* Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
* Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under
- First time in history we can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let's not screw it up.
- My cleaning lady just messaged to say she will be working from home and will send me instructions on what to do.
- Many parents are just about to discover the teacher is not the problem.
- What's worse: two masked guys trying to rob you or your unmasked pizza delivery guy?
- I've almost completed my 90 day trial of 2020. How do I cancel?
- Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch. Apparently she's my wife. She seems nice.
- Anyone else feel like life is being written by a fourth grader? "And there was this virus and everyone was scared. And then the world ran out of toilet paper. Yeah, and then there was like no school for a month."
- Anyone have a recipe to make toilet paper out of cauliflower?
- We're about two weeks away from seeing everyone's true hair color.
- Looks like we'll also need to bail out our political and science fiction writers, and retrain them to be historians.
- Reminder: 9pm is the time to remove your day pajamas and put your night pajamas on.
-My husband saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He cleaned, scrubbed and disinfected the heck out of all cupboards and the entire kitchen. Tomorrow I’m placing the plastic roach in the bathroom.
